Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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