I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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