i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
