I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Damn victory sex feels great
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
