I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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