6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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