I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
