the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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