I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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