I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
