Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We don't watch enough power rangers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
