Cold hands, warm shart.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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