Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
