you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
