so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
