OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
