break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
