Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
