im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
