He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
