You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
