Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
