I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
