No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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