I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
