You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
