I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
