the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
whose parrot is this?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
