guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
