I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
