I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
