I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
