You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
how does that bad decision feel?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
