Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
