i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Randomize
