Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
