i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
