Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
