The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
