Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
