oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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