good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
