People with herpes should wear stickers.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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