are you still at the devil's house?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
