what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
