the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
