Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
