we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
