you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
