i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
