dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
