I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
