Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
someone threw a dead crab at me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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