Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
