I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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