There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
