About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
