I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
