he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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