also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
