i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
