She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize