last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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