omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
