oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
