When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
