she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
