How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
