I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
