Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
