i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
