I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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