1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
