Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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