so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
